i went and said my last goodbyes. 2 weeks ago when i knew he was in the hospital a few of you messaged that i needed to say my goodbyes and make peace with my past. i didn’t get it then. i was angry, hurt, sad and i just didnt want to hear it.
i get it now.
i never in my life would have thought it possible, but i said my goodbyes and as soon as i exited the hospital it was like all this weight was just gone. i’ve never felt anything like it in my life.
im grateful i went. im grateful i said what i needed to say rather he is even still inside there somewhere to hear any of it or not.
im not angry or hurt anymore.
you never know how heavy anger is until it isnt there anymore.
they’re giving him 3 more days on life support before they let him go. 3 days of dialysis like it will do anything. its already over. his kidneys have failed, he’s got a trech tube, machines are running his heart and feeding him. he’s been on life support for 2 weeks and completely unresponsive for the last 4 days. he’s gone. its not fair of my grandparents not to let him go. but im not a parent so i cant imagine how hard it must be.
its sad, but it was inevitable. you cant help someone who doesnt help themselves.
he loved me the best he knew how. im not angry anymore.
im all cried out.