brother: “Today I learned to make cucumber sandwiches like a Sir. Then went to HalfPrice Books for their Memorial Weekend Sale, then went to work. If you made a movie of my day I would be played by either Kevin Spacey or the dad from Alf.”
so now he’s running around screaming that his taint is on fire and im about to pee myself
<3
(Source: harajukuhobo)
looked outside and its the neighbors 50 year old, 200+lb daughter in short-shorts and a mid-drift shirt.
i’ve learned my lesson and i’ll mind my own business for now on.
ben folds - time
(Source: helenofdestroy)
Hampton Williams
Richardson, Texas
eh, i cried like a bitch. so wonderful.
i know someone who’d better hope he doesnt die soon <3
(Source: malformalady)
i hadn’t used a pay phone since 1987, Im pretty sure i caught The AIDS. then i had to wait for my poor mom to drive 45 miles, one way, to drop off a spare key.
tonight was no fun at all :/
i just cut myself scaling the fence in the backyard so i could dodge them out front.
(wouldnt wanna be rude.)
i felt like some kind of anti-social super hero. <3
motherless has boundaries. who knew?
(Source: pennygolightly)
:| “ | Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy. |
